Words are so very telling, aren't they?
And I don't meant the content of the words - of course that's literally TELLING us something.
Rather, I mean our use of specific words.
I love this enquiry. I've always found it fascinating how we use words.
Like when we are explaining a situation to someone, and begin to use language like 'you' when we are really explaining a situation about ourself. We do that to separate ourselves from what we're speaking about, so we don't have to fully 'own it.'
You're speaking about a situation at work, a confusion with another person. You're telling your friend about it and you say: "I just didn't know what to do. You never know what they're thinking, so you get all small and quiet and don't say anything."
Interesting, right? What we really meant to say was "I just didn't know what to do. I don't know what they're thinking, so I got all small and quiet and didn't say anything."
The energy is very different, isn't it? One is generalising, trying to include the other person so they 'buy in' to the situation, your behaviour or to excuse yourself from your actions. The other one takes full responsibility. The second example is not what we tend to use most often in our dialogue.
(But could speak about language and words for a long time - if you ever want to go into conversation on that with me!)
The reason I bring this up is because recently I have read back through my posts here. Starting from the beginning (revolutionary, right!? ).
I mention in my opening post that I had this idea for the blog for a long time before I actually made it. And I always had the name in mind from the start. FINDING FEMININE. It was so fitting.
Reading back through this now, and reflecting on the name that this blog held for 4 months now, I feel a sense of 'awwww' for that past Shae.
It was true, back when I thought of the name, and even in my recent processes, I was on that path of finding feminine. Which means, when I assess the language of that, I believed she was lost - or had 'left' me - in some way.
This process of reading back through my posts was akin to when we read back through an old journal from years ago. WOW - what an interesting thing to view our past selves form our current, transformed state.
I didn't realize I was operating from that mindset of feeling that she was lost to me - my feminine. But it seems so blatantly clear to me now.
My title (which was still that same title about 30 minutes ago, until I revamped my site to really express where I am now) was this:
A woman's journey to opening.
To the woman who wrote that, and to the woman who still felt this way only mere months ago, I wish to say this:
My sweet, sweet, beautiful, tender, sensitive Shae. You had nothing to find. There was nothing lost, my love. She was always there, just waiting to be greeted.
Waiting to be CLAIMED.
In these recent months, my world has exploded into full force, earth shattering, mind melting, body unleashing evolution. I've come to know myself, my heart, my true being, my feminine soul, in a very deep and raw way.
As with the rest of the upgrades I've been through in my life - like so many of us - this was sparked from an intense heart-wrenching experience of a relationship ending. Before that, when my world was cracked open years ago into feeling myself 'wake up' for the first time to becoming so much more conscious of myself as a divine being, it was also bred from another traumatic and deeply destructive period in my life.
I've been through that dark trauma, dealt with some painful and scary demons, and made it out the other side to the contrast of bliss, pure being and deep love.
I'd just like to take this moment to acknowledge my soul for guiding me to use these painful experiences as a platform to wake up deeper into myself. I am BEYOND GRATEFUL FOR THESE EXPERIENCES. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the pain.
So now I find myself not on journey to opening - but feeling OPEN in a way I never thought possible.
I find myself not finding feminine - but claiming her delicious and divine heart for my very own pleasure of being.
I see now, the truth.
I feel now, the incredible bliss that is my feminine nature.
I relish in her existence, and bathe in her sweetness, and drench myself in her beauty.
This word - claiming - brings me so much pleasure to believe, write, and express.
(Say it to yourself now - "claiming" - ohhhhhh yessssss.... right?!)
It's a powerful word, and telling.
Telling to where I am now, and what my purpose on this planet it.
I am here to claim, and continue to claim.
And I am here to show the world, through this fearless expression, that you can claim her too.
She's already there, whispering seductively... TAKE ME.